Habits. They're hard to develop, at least the ones touted to be good for you. I'm sure I have good habits, but I only seem to think about the ones I want but haven't yet developed.
For example, I am truly impressed with those bloggers who manage to get out a regular post, even just one a week. Even if it's not long, or good, or witty. I'm not sure what it is that makes writing posts difficult for me to get to; I have lots of ideas, and even some pictures set aside for posts I've written in my head. I even like doing it. I forget about it, or it occurs to me that something has happened that would make a great post, but then the TV is on or I get an email or I need to practice or go to work, and then the idea is gone. My attention is scattered, my schedule isn't set enough, I don't feel like it...any number of excuses have flitted across my mind as I settle into not doing what I like to do.
It's not just writing blog posts either. Here's a list of all the things I would like to do more of: work out, do yoga, ride my bike, knit, read, cook, practice singing, meditate, and the list goes on. If I scrutinize my schedule, I have time for all of those things. Why don't I do them? What am I doing instead? I only work about 20 hours per week, which with travel adds up to maybe 30. I could read on the train. Do I? Nope, I do crosswords or play asinine jewel matching games. I could meditate for the 4 minutes the coffee brews in the morning. Do I? Nope, I scroll through facebook posts I've already read in bed. I could bike to work. Do I? Nope, I decide the weather just isn't quite right, or the distance is too far. On the other side, we don't even have cable, yet I manage to watch hours of TV.
Have I failed to train myself in good habits? Perhaps not. I'm happy that I want to improve myself. And I've never felt more comfortable with myself in years past than I do now. Recognizing my penchant for making excuses makes it difficult to continue making them, but I also need to be realistic and go slowly. Twenty minutes of practice. Twenty minutes of yoga. Twenty minutes of working out. One hour of my life per day.
This tortoise will win the race.